


“My Whole Heart Will be Yours Forever” or The Proposal(s)

by MFIka



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 02:11:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11152026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MFIka/pseuds/MFIka
Summary: "It was in this moment of overwhelming certainty that Alec realised he was going to ask Magnus to marry him soon – he was going to propose, he wasn’t sure how, but he was going to."Alec tries to propose to Magnus - twice?





	“My Whole Heart Will be Yours Forever” or The Proposal(s)

**Author's Note:**

> A HUGE thank you to my Beta and [best bae](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fereldandoglord/) for reading through this in such a short time even when work is overflowing <3 
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr](http://mfika.tumblr.com/)  
> Find me @ [Twitter](http://twitter.com/Ikaairam/)
> 
> Feel free to message me with suggestions and/or request or to just share ideas!
> 
> I also want to thank Jasmine for suggesting the 'Alec proposing to Magnus' theme!

Written to _I Choose You_ by Sara Bareilles

“My Whole Heart Will be Yours Forever” or The Proposal(s)

 

“Let the bough break, let it come down crashing

Let the sun fade out to a dark sky

I can't say I'd even notice it was absent

Cause I could live by the light in your eyes”

 

Alec had imagined it to be like in those stories he had always found ridiculous. He had always thought that realising that you had met ‘the one’ would be a moment of epiphany, of birds chirping, of bells ringing – a moment of pure enlightenment. Instead, it had been the moment of quietude, when he watched Magnus sleep, his chest rising and falling in a perfect cadence, and of complete peacefulness.

It had been the moment of chaos when he watched Magnus almost die in battle, right in front of him, and he had been powerless to stop it. It had been the moment of happiness when they had both struggled to get those damn pancakes just right, the bright lights of the rising sun bathing their kitchen, the sound of their laughter undisturbed by the bustling noise of the city below. It had been a moment of calmness when Max had been going on and on and on about his favourite graphic novels and Magnus had listened, asked questions, and encouraged that spark on Max’s eyes while Alec listened and watched the happy wrinkles around Magnus’ eyes when he smiled. It had been the moment of companionship when Alec had been washing away the dry blood from his skin, shaky breaths leaving his lips  and Magnus had joined him in the shower simply to hold him, to remind him that he was alive and safe, that those who Alec loved were also alive and safe. It had been their first date, their first time together, it had been all of these and so many more moments of completion that culminated in this one unforgettable moment. Magnus was sitting in the balcony, sipping on a recently prepared cocktail, unwinding from the day’s workload. The sun was setting just on his side, the pale orange and lavender shades outlining Magnus’ features. Magnus was slumped on the comfortable chair, the first four buttons of his shirt unbuttoned allowing the breeze to cool off his skin. There was contentment on his expression that showed Alec that, despite the long day, Magnus was happy to be there, happy to be home with him.

Alec’s breath itched against his throat as he watched his boyfriend and, without an apparent reason, thought of the five years they had been together – hell had broken loose, peace had come back, and they had stood strong through it all, despite their ups and downs. It wasn’t an epiphany; Alec had known for a long while now that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Magnus, be it a day or 80 more years. But this was in _that_ moment – the culmination of smaller realisations – that Alec had fully grasped what his wishes entailed. Time seemed to have stopped: the light on his boyfriend’s silhouette was incredible, his shoulders were relaxed, the glass in his hand tipped slightly backwards, and Alec loved him beyond words. The world could be crumbling down all around them, New York could be engulfed by demons, the loft could come crashing down, and Alec wouldn’t be aware of it. He was lost in the sight in front of him; in the way Magnus seemed to just radiate comfort, homelike tranquility, and love. It was in this moment of overwhelming certainty that Alec realised he was going to ask Magnus to marry him soon – he was going to propose, he wasn’t sure how, but he was going to.

******

“I'll unfold before you

What I've strung together

The very first words

Of a lifelong love letter”

 

Alec decided to not share the news with anyone, he knew how a secret was kept between the Lightwoods and the rest of their group: it didn’t. He wanted to surprise Magnus; he wanted to do something nice for him, something memorable. A grand gesture, for a great love story, and for a magnificent person seemed to be a fair deal. There was only one tiny problem: Alexander Lightwood was terrible with words; he babbled and he stumbled on what he wanted to say. Most of the time, Magnus was actually the only one who could decode him but, this time, Alec wanted everything to be perfect and that included overcoming his own limitations. So what if he wasn’t good with words? He was good with actions and a surprise called for an unforgettable gesture.

Alec spent the following days methodically thinking of what he wanted to say – or rather, to write to Magnus. He had decided on a plan: he would write love messages on small pieces of paper folded like origami - and hide them across the living room. When Magnus would find them all, Alec would get down on one knee and propose. It was simple but it could be fun and that way Alec would be sure he would say everything he wanted to say, instead of being nervous and stumbling over his words.

The next step was the one Izzy told him to be the most important – buying the ring. Alec didn’t really think this was _the_ most essential step, he was sure Magnus would be satisfied with a bent piece of tin so long Alec was sincere and loving. However, and most obviously precisely because _it was_ Magnus, Alec wanted the ring to be unique, something Magnus wouldn’t grow tired of wearing everyday. He wasn’t really expecting this step to take as long as it did. It took Alec almost a month to finally find what he thought was the perfect piece of jewellery. He had been walking down an oddly calm street, filled with small cafes and old bookshops, when he noticed a jeweller at the end of the street. He would have missed it if the door hadn’t been bright blue. The front of the shop had nothing but a small round window with a few rings on display. The rings were simple but unique, some had small gems, others intricate silvery patterns. It was its simplicity that caught Alec’s attention – if the owner didn’t need to advertise and flaunt it at all, it must be because it was already well known and established. Alec stepped inside, and the small bell tied to the top of door announced his arrival. Behind the counter was an old man with a pleasant smile. “Hello, young man. Welcome! What can I help you with?” He had asked in a cheerful tone.

And so Alec stayed there for about an hour, talking to the man who, after showing him several options just to have Alec concluding that none of quite matched Magnus’ style, suggested he should get a custom made ring. It would take longer, but Alec liked the idea better. He decided on a simple silver ring, the front of it with a pattern that seemed to knot over each band of the ring. It wasn’t something to flaunt on friends’ faces, it didn’t have a big rock, but it would be beautiful and symbolic. Afterwards, Alec had to think about what he wanted to engrave on it and that was the tough part. He was amazed by the old man’s patience, how his kind smile never wavered.

“You’re not the first groom-to-be that enters my shop,” he had joked, making Alec a bit more comfortable. “Say… What do you want to give your fiancé?” The man had asked, the small pile of torn papers with discarded ideas standing by his left hand. “Besides love and all of those promises that are meant to be told on the wedding day.”

Alec thought for a little while, his eyes focusing on the pile of papers. There were so many words of love there, so many promises and, although they were all real and sincere, none really grasped the full meaning of what he wanted to say.

“Me. My whole life; my whole existence. Everything that makes me my own person: my memories, my trust, my fears; everything. I want to give him all of that,” Alec ended up replying, figuring out why the loving sentences felt like such common place. They had been endearing, truthful, and heartfelt, but they weren’t completely unique, they weren’t unrepeatable.

“Ah!” The man smiled a warm grin, the most sincere expression Alec had seen on his face for the whole afternoon. “I have just the thing, then.”

Alec looked at him with expectation, waiting for him to say something else, but instead the man took his hand. This surprised Alec because he only ever held hands with Magnus and, frankly, this was beyond awkward.

“Your whole being, your uniqueness, is strikingly evident to the world. At the tip of your finger,” the man explained, turning Alec’s index finger around so Alec would look down.

Alec frowned and did so. He looked at his hand, not really knowing what the man meant. When he tapped Alec’s fingertip, a smile of realization spread across his lips. “My fingerprint… It’s unique, it’s unrepeatable, and it’s my whole being in a few lines.”

So the ring would have the pattern that he had previously chosen for the outter band, and for the inner band, touching Magnus’ skin, just for him to see and _feel_ , there would be Alec’s fingerprint, engraved on it.

Finally, after almost three months of having decided he wanted to propose to Magnus, Alec had the ring in a small, black box on the back pocket of his jeans, he had learnt how to make origami flowers, swans, hearts, and stars, he had written down all the sweet messages he wanted to convey, and he had hid them everywhere in the living room: the chandelier, behind paintings, inside books he knew Magnus consulted often, under the vials of his potions and ingredients, under the couch’s cushions, literally everywhere he could think of. He had left the last one, the sweetest one that led to the obvious ‘Will you marry me?’ question, by the drinks. To most people this would seem like a silly gesture since there were far more romantic places to hide it, but Alec liked it there because a drink was one of the first things Magnus had offered him and one of the first things Alec had been sincere about around someone – he hated to drink and he felt comfortable enough around Magnus to be honest about it, instead of pretending he liked it and drinking socially. Magnus had found it amusing and it became one of _their_ first things: Magnus handed him new drinks so he would try them out, Alec scrunched his nose and almost coughed them out.

Alec couldn’t ask for a more perfect setting: the sun was just starting to set and the light that peered through the floor-to-ceiling window was casting sepia tones across the living room. It was a dimmer light than that of midday, but it wasn’t dark enough for them to need artificial light. The busy sounds of the city echoed vaguely through the walls since the door to the balcony was slightly ajar, so the breeze that came with the sunset would make its way into the loft.

Magnus arrived with a swagger in his stride, a clear sign of happiness and excitement. A smile tugged at the corners of Alec’s lips, watching as his boyfriend danced his way to him, kissing his lips with a smile. “Hello, my dear Alexander,” he greeted him in a warm tone.

“You’re happy today,” Alec remarked, his grin widening despite the nervousness that was slowly creeping up his spine, making his heart start to pound in his ears.

“I had the most tiring day but I found this adorable little store that made up for it, and…!” He grinned, taking a step back from Alec, spreading his arms for him as if he was showing him something. “I bought us a new rug,” Magnus grinned.

They had been looking for a new rug for quite a while now – well, Magnus had. Max had accidentally spilled some juice on their old one and left a stain in it. Magnus, of course, could easily get rid of it using his magic but _“Alexander, darling, I can’t keep using magic for small things like that, it wears me out”_ , or _“Alexander, my dearest, we should always see accidents as opportunities”._ And by all of this what Magnus really meant was that he was having one of his urges to redecorate so they absolutely _had_ to buy a new rug. Alec found the whole ordeal quite endearing so he agreed to Magnus’ adorable and elaborate reasoning.

“Well, where is it?” Alec chuckled warmly. He supposed he could wait a few more minutes. Having a normal conversation with Magnus so he could start feeling at home rather than just jumping into the whole proposal thing, it could help him to calm down and go through with it with more serenity. Nevertheless, he was acutely aware of the ring in his pocket and the dozens of small origami messages and the exact spot where all of them were hidden.

“Close your eyes, I have a surprise,” Magnus chuckled, walking back to him again, waving his fingers close to his face as if to rush him into closing his eyes. “A new rug has to be framed properly.”

Still amused by it, and not really comprehending the implications of Magnus’ words, Alec closed his eyes obediently. He wasn’t as enthusiastic as Magnus was over a rug and general interior decoration and design, but he was always unable to deny him such pleasure and moments of enthusiasm so he went along with it, especially because he loved watching and hearing Magnus laugh.

He heard the snap of Magnus’ fingers and was vaguely aware of things shifting around them. It was quick, three or four seconds, and the air was warmer now that magic was swirling around them and settling down. Alec’s smile faltered when he realised what Magnus had unintentionally done. He was redecorating by using his magic, which meant that everything that Magnus knew was there, did not disappear, it just rearranged. All that Magnus didn’t know to be there, like say, for instance, the origami papers filled with messages and Alec’s months of planning, was gone. Alec opened his eyes and felt like someone was punching him on the stomach. The living room was stunning, even more comfortable than before, and he briefly noticed that the rug was actually nice.

He let out a small sound, a sound of defeat and loss, looking around the room, his eyes setting on the liquor tray. His groan was more audible when he confirmed his suspicions: the papers were gone.

“You don’t like it?” Magnus asked, his eyes slowly losing their initial enthusiasm, his smile starting to fade.

“Wha—What?” Alec managed, his voice going up an octave, not higher, just up – that sound of disbelief and of someone who was helpless to change what needed to so desperately be put together again. Three months of work just _magically_ disappeared in front of him and there was nothing he could do about it.

“Alexander, you’re worrying me. Is everything okay? I can change it back, “ Magnus took a step closer to him, ready to comfort him if Alec needed it.

It was that tone of alarm in Magnus’ voice that forced Alec back into reality: his proposal was gone, Magnus didn’t know about it, he didn’t know what the implications of his renovations had meant. Alec had to swallow it down and act fast so Magnus wouldn’t be further worried or suspicious, even.

“Yup, no, I’m fine, sorry. I was just… Amazed by how fast your magic works and mhm… By how comfortable it all looks,” he forced a smile that easily turned warmer and more truthful when relief spread across Magnus’ features (even if Alec was sure Magnus didn’t believe him completely, since he was able to read him like a book) and he went back to his joyous self, going on about how he had found the rug, how he had decided on the new paintings and the new couch, a much more comfortable one, mind you.  Alec stood there, slowly feeling the shock leave him. It didn’t matter, he would have other opportunities and nothing could ever beat Magnus’ happiness.

Alexander Lightwood was still going to propose. He just had to spend some more time on coming up with yet another proposal.

*********

“There was a time when I would have believed them

If they told me you could not come true

Just love's illusion”

 

After the whole origami paper proposal fiasco, Alec needed some time to get his plans on the move once more. He was beyond frustrated that all his hard work had gone to hell but he knew that things like this didn’t just happen without a reason, so after days of taking deep breaths several times a day, he collected himself and started to think of another way to propose. He didn’t resent Magnus, not one bit; he didn’t know what he had ruined. It was almost comical, Alec concluded, a week after it all happened. If things went just as planned, just as they were perfectly pictured, then it would have very little of what they were as a couple. Keeping that in mind, Alec decided to move onto something more fun and dynamic. He would tell his family, including Magnus’ friends, and get their help to propose. When he decided to do so he had to smile to himself and think back in time - five years ago some of those people meant nothing to him or, worse, meant the world to him but could not accept them. He remembered how his mother started out by not having faith in him and Magnus, neither individually, nor as a couple. Alec had thought that a relationship with a man, with whom he wanted, was impossible - that was until Magnus came along and changed all that.

Surrounded by friends and family, his proposal would be even happier and loving because they both valued that group of people and were happy when together – that had taken some time, especially when it came to Maryse, but she and Magnus had learned to be around each other and, eventually, to actually like each other. Secretly, Alec also felt more comfortable with a larger group of people helping, especially when he now was acutely aware that things could go to completely different directions from what he had planned and the more people there, the more help he would get in either preparing for it and celebrating Magnus’ answer, or to pick up the pieces if nothing went according to plan.

So that was how Alec spent the following month, between work, boring meetings and briefings at the Institute, demon slaying, and tedious bureaucratic work, he had managed to finally gather everyone he wanted there – Maryse, Izzy, Jace, Max, Raphael (who would send in a video for one of the other friends to show), Simon, Clary, and Catarina. The idea behind the whole thing – which took another month to prepare and rehearse – was that each one of them would walk with Magnus along Central Park, telling them about their favourite stories about him and Alec together or what they couldn’t wait to see of them in the future. This was more obvious, Magnus would figure things out pretty quickly as people just popped out from behind trees or of sitting in benches in disguise; but it would be much more fun, sweet, and involving. Alec would be waiting by the White Mulberry tree, close to the pond. It was as if his friends and family were walking him down the aisle to meet Alec at the end of it – their friends were their family, specially for Magnus, and to be able to give that to Magnus, something he always thought he would never have, made Alec’s heart clench from joy and anticipation. The choice of tree wasn’t random either – not only was it a beautiful tree, not too tall, it could easily go unnoticed with its pale green leaves, shadowing the pond that overlooked New York, but it was also where they had shared one of their first impromptu dates. Usually, either Magnus or Alec would think about a special plan for their date – a nice dinner, a movie, portaling to somewhere Alec had never been to, star gazing in their balcony with a take out picnic – but sometimes their dates just happened. That date in particular was very dear to Alec because they had both had a complicated and heavy day, they were both exhausted but the last thing they wanted was to be enclosed again, even if it was home. They ended up walking to Central Park, carrying some light food, and just walked and talked about everything and nothing at all. When the sun started to set, casting breathtaking colours on the pond, they had stopped under the small tree. They stayed there, unwinding, watching Nature follow its course, and Magnus had laced their fingers together, his thumb brushing on Alec’s hand, and he had sighed – a tired but happy sigh. _“Gosh, Alexander… Everything seems so much more beautiful when you’re in love, doesn’t it?”_ Magnus had asked.

Alec took a deep breath while he stood under same tree where they had been years ago, waiting for Magnus and for everyone to take him there, trusting that Simon was secretly recording everything.

The scheduled time went by and Simon hadn’t texted him to let him know that everything was going according to plan. Alec started to feel nervous and, if at first he made an effort to stand still while he waited, he had then started to impatiently pace back and forth. Maybe he had gotten held up at work or he had missed Alec’s text to meet him at Central Park, where Maryse would be waiting for him to start walking together.

The sun had started to set and Alec started to feel irritation biting at his ribcage. They had scheduled everything to perfection so they would watch the sunset, not just because it was a beautiful moment of the day – and also the moment of the day where he and Magnus reunited every day after a long day apart – but because it was meant to be a purposeful recreation of that one date that they cherished so much.

Alec was starting to lose control of the situation, things were not going as he had planned them and he started to slowly give up on yet another attempt to propose to Magnus. He tried to shut the nagging  voice in his head, saying that maybe it wasn’t meant to be, that maybe Magnus knew about his attempts and was purposely avoiding them. He shut that little voice down – Magnus was not a cruel man, he was brave and he was brutally honest, even if he was sly at times. If he didn’t want to get married, he would have told Alec, he would have been gentle about it, not to hurt him, but he would have been honest. It didn’t matter because Alec knew they both wanted this, even if they were afraid of it for completely different reasons – Magnus because he had never been married, he was afraid of failing and getting both of them hurt, and because he would live forever, while Alec would grow old and die; and Alec because the model of marriage he had had wasn’t exactly the best and, of course, because his was not a forgiving society, nor a very liberal one either. But all of that paled when compared to how much they wanted and loved each other, how much they wanted a life together.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and Alec allowed himself to be hopeful. It was going to be Simon, telling him that Magnus was on the move. Fine, the lighting was not perfect anymore, it was getting darker and chillier, but they would manage.

When he saw Magnus’ picture on the screen though, and maybe for the first time, his heart sank. He wasn’t sad that it was his boyfriend; he was disappointed because he knew what was coming.

“Hey, Magnus. Is everything okay? I’m creating roots here, waiting for you,” Alec chuckled a little, even if the expression didn’t reach his eyes, trying to ease his boyfriend’s likely anxious mood.

“I’m so sorry, Alexander, I should have called earlier. I’m in Hong Kong, there was an urgent meeting call and I had to portal right away before being able to call you. I just arrived and we have to start in a few minutes but I didn’t want to worry you,” Magnus spoke faster than usual, obviously concerned about Alec waiting alone in Central Park, and evidently feeling bad about standing him up.

“Hey, hey, it’s fine, it’s okay. Are you safe? Is everything okay?” Alec asked, holding the phone a bit closer to his ear as if he could hold onto Magnus by doing so. His disappointment and sadness were momentarily forgotten over worry about his boyfriend.

“Yes, I don’t think this would be anything to worry about. I’m okay, my dear Shadowhunter, and I promise I will make it up to you,” Magnus said and Alec could hear the faint but warm smile on his voice.

“You have no idea how much you have to make up for,” Alec chuckled warmly, scratching the back of his head and glancing around in defeat. The sun was practically gone from the horizon, people were putting on their jackets because the wind was starting to rise and Alec was under that whimsical green tree, now engulfed by darkness, leaving him unable to see any colour in it.

“I love you, be safe, we’ll talk when you come home.”

*******

“But then you found me and everything changed

And I believe in something again”

 

When Magnus arrived Alexander was already in bed, as he should be, since it was 40 minutes past 2am. He was achingly tired and almost completely drained but he insisted on using his magic to change into his pajama so the rustling of clothes while changing wouldn’t wake Alexander up. With his silk trousers on and naked chest – this was how he slept better, how he felt more comfortable and less warm – Magnus walked silently to the bathroom to brush his teeth and remove his make-up. He sighed in relief when the refreshing water reached his face, cooling him down from the effort of portaling himself all the way from Hong Kong to his loft in New York City. He had been working a lot during those past months and he was starting to feel the still silent but pressing need to stop and unwind for a bit. He felt this even more keenly because of Alexander. They saw each other for two or three hours, in the morning and at night, and then they had to sleep because they were so exhausted and worn out. The alarm clocks would beckon for their undivided attention early in the mornings, and sometimes even weekends couldn’t escape the insistence of work.

He made his way back to their bedroom and stopped by the door, leaning on the doorframe. He soaked up on the sight before him and smiled warmly, feeling his fatigue give way to something more pleasant – a mix of tiredness and contentment, all at once, produced by the way Alexander was sleeping so deeply, unaware of his presence, or perhaps (he hoped) comforted by it.

It were moments like these that made Magnus’ chaotic life stop for a while and allowed him to breathe properly. Alexander was sleeping on his stomach, the sheets covering half of his runed back. His left leg was sneaking from under the sheets, a strange habit of his since he always had to fall asleep with a foot out in the open. His right arm, his long, strong limb, was stretching out across the bed, his fingers caressing Magnus’ pillow. His lips were slightly parted and his breathing was slow and deep, a sound that always lulled Magnus to rest. Five years was all it had taken for Magnus to know every single detail about Alexander by heart: the way he breathed when he was sleeping either deeply or shallowly, the way his eyes lit up in the morning at the sight of Magnus waking up beside him, something that always made Magnus feel like his whole heart was on the young Shadowhunter’s hands – how could someone love him that much? He had never felt this loved, needed, and wanted in his long, long life and the feeling was just as scary as it was overwhelmingly peaceful.

Soundlessly, Magnus made his way to their bed, getting under the sheets as carefully as he could. Alexander stirred and hummed a bit, his sleep becoming less deep. Immediately, and as if by instinct, he cuddled closer to Magnus, resting the hand that had been on the pillow, on his chest. The bedroom was poorly lit, the only light casting through the door was the bathroom one that Magnus had left on so he could find his way to bed without tripping over something and wake Alexander up. He could swear he saw the outline of a smile on Alexander’s features as if, even in his sleep, Alexander recognised his presence and was telling him that he could now sleep fully rested since Magnus was there.

With a quiet snap of his fingers the light of the bathroom was turned off and Magnus relaxed. He glanced down at his boyfriend – one of the few occasions he actually got to look down at Alexander – and smiled. _My Angel_ , Magnus thought, watching his smile slowly fade away as Alexander’s sleep deepened again, the steady rise and fall of his chest slowing down as well. Magnus moved his fingers gently onto Alexander’s hair, feeling the soft, dark hair brush against his fingers. Everything about Alexander was familiar to Magnus but it somehow felt exhilarating still, as if Magnus couldn’t quite believe he was allowed to touch Alexander like this, and even better, that he was the only one that got to touch Alexander this way.

He closed his eyes, his fingers engulfed by his boyfriend’s hair, his warm breathing against Magnus’ neck. When he portaled back he had felt like he was approaching his most comfortable place but he never felt like he was truly home until he was with Alec. He took a silent deep breath and slowly allowed his body to relax, feeling his muscles give in to the cosiness of Alexander’s warmth next to him, of his comfortable mattress and luxurious sheets.

It didn’t take long for him to realise that that was not going to be one of those nights where he got home, tired to the bone, dropped in bed next to his boyfriend and just slept. His brain refused to turn off for some reason that was still to be discovered and, as such, Magnus opened his eyes, feeling restless and slightly frustrated. He wanted to sleep, he had been craving for a good night of sleep for at least four hours; Alexander was there and the temperature in the room was just the right one to soothe him to sleep.

He bit his bottom lip to avoid groaning out loud as an outlet for his annoyance. There had been a thought forming on the back of his mind, a thought that wasn’t new to him, especially when it came to moments like this – being alone with Alec, something private, comfortable, and of pure, simple happiness. For a long time now, Magnus had been thinking about making things between them more official. He knew Alexander was an unconventional yet traditional man, he knew he wanted a family and one of the first steps for that was marriage.

Magnus had to admit that the thought scared him as much as it gave him joy. He had never known love like that; he had never been bound to someone in that way before and it had been something that he craved for since he was a little boy – a family, someone to belong to. He was certain that if there was someone worth risking the heartbreak for, it was Alexander. He was fiercely loyal, not to mention kind and the only one who knew Magnus so well – he was the only person Magnus had ever loved this intensely and this purely. He knew this was his chance at a life with a family, with someone whom he loved deeply and loved him in return, who respected him and understood who he was at his most private core. However, he also knew that it wouldn’t last. That was the thing about immortality – it gave you time but it stripped you from everything else. He could always think that he could die in a week from then, he could go out and get hit by a falling piano or some other film-like, improbable disaster. The thing that scared him the most was not exactly the ‘not dying’ part, but the part where he would not be able to grow old with Alexander and to have to lose him sooner rather than later. There were, of course, variants that could change all of this – they could both die soon or Magnus could die when Alec was old – but these were all big ‘what ifs’ that haunted Magnus and imposed his fear over his shot at happiness. Could he really tie Alexander to someone who would not give him his best chance at a normal life? At having a normal family? At growing old with the person he loved? He felt selfish, both for thinking it was solely his choice and for thinking that he could and wanted to ask that of Alexander.

With a sigh, he turned around to face his sleeping boyfriend and, just as naturally as the sun rises in the morning, a smile spread across his lips. If there was someone who made him want to fight and overcome his fears, it was Alexander. Maybe he could allow himself to think that getting married to the brave Shadowhunter wasn’t as selfish as he reprimanded himself to be, maybe it wasn’t such a risk, and maybe the heartbreak it would cost him in 70 or 80 years time would be worth it compared to the devastation that it would mean to lose their chance at being happy, at creating memories, at creating _something_. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Alexander’s forehead, smiling against his skin. Maybe soon.

******

“We are not perfect

We'll learn from our mistakes

And as long as it takes

I will prove my love to you

I am not scared of the elements

I am under-prepared, but I am willing”

 

The tension of the past days and the restlessness they were both under eventually caught up with them. Alec wasn’t really sure why the fight had started, he just knew that they ended up yelling at each other, imposing on each other emotions and thoughts that neither of them knew the other was feeling. Magnus was tired from all the work, Alec knew he had to lash out at someone to get it out of his system, but it seemed to him that there was something more in there, something that ran deeper and that flashed in Magnus’ eyes in the shape of hurt, hope, and longing all at the same time. Alec couldn’t figure out what it was and that infuriated him, he knew Magnus better than anyone, he knew what every single expression on that beautiful face of his meant, but this one he was having a hard time to decode. Alec was tired as well, and he was frustrated about the failed proposals, as if something was holding them back. It was starting to eat at them, this fear, this _something_ that Alec couldn’t really identify, and he was scared of it.

He was standing in the balcony, taking shaky deep breaths to force his heartbeat to subside, to allow his mind to clear the fogginess of anger. The sun had set a couple of hours ago and his stomach was grumbling, begging for the comfort of food. Alec didn’t feel like eating at all so he just ignored it and focused on the moon instead. It wasn’t full, not quite yet; it was missing a bit on its right side. Keeping it company were a few stars, their brightness engulfed by the insidious luminosity of New York City down at his feet. Sometimes he loved the city, other times he hated it. That night, he despised it – he hated its lights and the way it sucked the darkness out of the sky and tried to replace the stars with its own artificial lights; he hated how it never smelled good, not entirely, if there was a sweet or savoury scent in the air, it was rapidly taken over by the stench of the polluted river or by the fumes of the subway or of one of the thousands of cars that were constantly going by, making noise; he hated how it never slept, it never allowed anyone in it to rest properly; he abhorred it because it was not the sight he wanted before him, it was not the situation he wished he was at. He knew that the city wasn’t to blame for his own problems, but, childishly, he preferred to think of it that way for the time being, knowing he would have to deal with the reality of things soon enough.

He was to blame for working too much, for overthinking about everything and nothing all at the same time, placing meaning where it shouldn’t be placed and forgetting to value what was meant to be appreciated. It was Magnus’ fault if he exerted himself, if he took time away time from himself and from them, only to work for others. It was both their fault if they didn’t address the big elephant in the room – Magnus knew Alec was up to something and that his frustration came from that something not going as planned, Alec knew Magnus was holding something from him, something that terrified him – and neither of them were talking about it. Instead, they had just yelled at each other and walked in separate ways to calm down.

Alec took a deep breath and noticed a scent that soothed him almost immediately – the smell of rain. The sky had been cloudy throughout the day but no water had come down. Some clouds had gathered around the sun as it set, shadowing its setting over the horizon. He could still see the stars, the ones closer to the moon, but the rest of the sky was eerily dark. It was a moist scent, of dirt that was damp and warm, and Alec loved it - it grounded him, it made him feel closer to the incredible beauty and force of Nature, and calmed him down. He felt the first few drops caress his skin and, in a matter of seconds, it started to pour down. He closed his eyes, listening to the sound of cars honking – it was a mystery to him how traffic got so chaotic merely because it was raining; as if it was some phenomena no one was accustomed to. He could hear faint laughter echoing through the streets presumably coming from unprepared pedestrians who were running towards improvised shelter. For those who felt happy, rain was a plaything. For those who weren’t, it could be a balm. Alec could use the weight of his own clothes soaking through his skin, he could use the cleansing feeling of it all, so he let himself be.

He opened his eyes when he heard the door behind him open and he didn’t need to turn around to guess who it was – he knew Magnus’ footsteps by heart.

“You’re going to get ill,” Magnus spoke, his voice calmer than before, apologetic even.

“I can use my _iratze_ rune,” Alec murmured, the same intention in his voice. There was silence for a while and Alec turned around to face Magnus, the dark lines of his makeup running down his cheeks because Magnus had stepped out into the balcony as well.

“Alexander, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said half of the things I said,” Magnus smiled that kind smile that always made Alec’s chest clench, but there was sadness in his eyes too.

Alec shook his head and took his hands tentatively, watching the drops splatter on Magnus’ rings. He suddenly remembered the engagement ring on his pocket still – he had thought that if he carried it around all the time it would be easier to propose and to not forget why he was doing it in the first place.

“No… _I’m_ sorry, Magnus. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you sooner and I’m sorry that I’ve let out all of my frustration on you…” He started but Magnus cut him by placing his finger on Alec’s wet lips.

“It’s okay, Alexander, I know,” he smiled a bit more surely.

Alec watched him for a while, it seemed to be for a long time, their eyes never left each others’.

“Marry me,” Alec blurted out and if it weren’t for Magnus’ look of surprise he wouldn’t have noticed he had said it out loud. He swallowed thickly and took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve been trying to propose to you for a while now and it never worked out. Magnus, marry me. I don’t care about what we should or shouldn’t do, I don’t care about your immortality, it’s not a problem for me. I care about you and I care about how you feel. That fear is doing nothing but holding us back. We have something special and true. I don’t care if I can’t have your immortality, it kills me to think that someday you’ll hurt with me being gone but it would hurt either way, it would hurt from the moment I laid my eyes on you because despite everything and everyone I love you. I love you, Magnus, marry me. We have our limited forever and I want to spend mine with you. Marry me.”

*********

“And even better

I get to be the other half of you”

 

Magnus was dumbfounded. He hadn’t expected these raw emotions from Alexander. Usually, Alexander’s emotions were so well guarded, he was so meticulous about the things he said and expressed. Even if these walls weren’t up so high in Alexander’s mind when they were together, Magnus knew that sometimes they were still there. There were some moments when Alexander let them completely down, random moments, at times – when they were in bed together, when they were laughing about some stupid joke that had stuck with them for years, when he talked about his family, when Magnus shared something with him that he never had with anyone else. Seeing this much sincerity, hope, and want in Alexander’s eyes sent a shiver up his spine, a feeling that embraced his heart and refused to leave. For the first few seconds, when Alexander’s words and silence mixed with the sound of the heavy rain falling on them, Magnus thought this feeling was one of fear and hesitation, but the moment all those touching and heartfelt words really sunk in, he knew it was none of that. That shiver was nothing but the realisation that he wanted this just as badly as Alexander wanted it. That feeling around his heart wasn’t cold, it was warmth and it was slowly spreading all over his body. That look in Alexander’s eyes was a reflection of his own battling desires and fears. The warmth of their hands, trialed only by the icy droplets of rain, was a testimony that they felt confident in each other, they trusted each other and in those hands was their entire world.

For the first time in his centuries-long life Magnus felt completely certain of _something_ – he loved Alexander with all of his heart, no, with all of his being. He wanted to give him as much of his life and time as he could possibly give, and, even if selfishly, he wanted Alexander’s time to be his own too.

He blinked and the sounds of the city started to come back to him, the distant honking and cursing – such a mundane moment going right by them. It was almost unfair that no one was stopping to just take in this wonderful moment in their lives. He realised then that Alexander was eagerly and nervously awaiting his answer and the look of anxiety in his eyes was rivalled by the calmness and sureness of his smile. Magnus heard himself chuckle, a happy sound, the happiest of sounds he had ever produce. He threw his arms around Alexander’s neck and embraced him as hard as he could without hurting him. He buried his face on Alexander’s neck, the sincere grin on his lips promising to stay there for the next few days.

“Of course, my dearest Alexander, of course I’ll marry you!”

Just then did Alexander truly relax and embraced him tightly, the same sound resounding from his chest, making its way up to his throat and lips.

Some time went by and they just stood there, in each other’s embrace, the steady sound of the pouring rain serving as background music to the steady beating of their hearts.

“You don’t think this romantic proposal in the rain will get you out of making it up to me for our fight, though, do you?” Magnus grinned, leaning away just enough to look into Alexander’s tearing eyes. He was sure his own were just as wet with emotion.

Alec breathed out a hearty chuckle and shook his head warmly, a loving and tender expression on his eyes as if he was still coming back to himself from the disbelief of it all.

“No, of course not, that’s why I bought you a ring,” he grinned. He reached for his pocket and smiled at Magnus. “I’ve been carrying this around for almost a year,” Alec admitted, smiling as he got down on one knee, chuckling warmly when the water soaked through his black jeans. “You’re a hard man to propose to, Magnus Bane,” he smiled, slipping the ring on Magnus’ finger.

“It’s Magnus Lightwood-Bane, if you don’t mind,” Magnus grinned, deciding he liked the sound of that.

 

“Tell the world that we finally got it all right

I choose you

I will become yours and you will become mine

I choose you”

 

 


End file.
